It was November 2014, and the Terrence Higgins Trust were doing a drive on Facebook for home testing kits for HIV. I’ve always practised safe sex, but like to get tested every 6 months, because accidents happen. Very soon it became all too evident that an accident had happened. I got a call late on a Monday night telling me there had been ‘a detection’ and I needed to go for a confirmatory test.
I went to my local clinic, but when it came to the test it’s all a bit blurry. All I remember is that I never saw that dot appear… that dot that would result in some major hurdles and challenges in my life. I didn’t see it because the last thing I saw before tears blurred my vision was the doctor looking up at me with an expression that said it all. I fell to pieces.
That night I called a close friend and told her. She reminded me that my father would always be my greatest supporter and that parents want to be able to worry about their kids, so I phoned my dad next. He remained true to form as an amazingly supportive father!
That weekend I attended a workshop for the recently diagnosed at Positively UK. I entered the workshop an emotional wreck and left full of optimism and lust for life. In the New Year I started treatment. I had not been receiving the best treatment at my clinic, and as Positively UK had explained, I was in charge of my treatment, so I moved my treatment to a clinic in London. Due to my lifestyle and career there were only a few options open to me. So my doctor had to go to the virtual clinic, a counsel of doctors, to put my case forward to get authorisation to give me the treatment I wanted. I got permission, but on that same day a new drug became available in the UK that had great results in Europe, so I took it.
Treatment brought few side effects; some mild tiredness and nausea if I took it without food. It’s all about planning. In just over 3 weeks I was undetectable. I felt free; my fears of transmitting were gone – My fear of dating and disclosing not so much so. I dreaded having to disclose my status to people and what their reactions would be. It wasn’t long however until I found my resilience and realised, I’m a romantic… and if someone loves me, they’ll want me ‘warts’ and all. I realised I didn’t want to limit my window of partners to just positive guys, someone amazing might be negative and love me how I am.
I’ve been on quite a few dates since then and found that it’s not much different than before. I’m ready to discuss my status when it’s time and if they can’t handle it, it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve been positive since November 2014 and I can tell you that my life has never been so ‘positive’. I’ve got an amazing support system which has resulted in amazing friendships and ultimately I am lucky, in that I can say my HIV hasn’t affected my life in a negative way. I’m alive, I’m happy and I’m too stubborn to quit!